We get a lot of enquiries from and about single guys so here is a blog to help fill in the blanks.
*Please note the language in this blog is gendered for ease of reading, but be aware that The Rabbit Hole is queer-friendly, so please read with gender-neutrality in mind.
Why do we have single men at all?
Being a single guy in this lifestyle can be a tough gig.
Many venues/hosts do not invite single guys to attend at all - end of story. We understand why: it’s bloody hard work. The sheer amount of effort it takes to make sure we get the right number of men to balance out the single women, to make sure we choose the right fit of men for the particular party, to make sure we give all the men an opportunity to attend, to ensure we provide the right atmosphere for everyone to have a good time, far outweighs the extra $50 that we receive from the men.
However at The Rabbit Hole, our philosophy strongly upholds Inclusivity: which means everyone is welcome - including single guys. We do recognise however that sometimes (especially if you’re new to the scene), couples are still unsure about where their boundaries are, and how to negotiate them, and for them we have our Newbie Parties to which singles are not invited.
Let us walk you through
Single guys have to jump through a lot of hoops before they are even allowed to register for our parties. With the exception of our Raining Men parties, we have met all of them, well before everyone else does.
First, they need to send us photo ID. Then they have to attend an Information Evening for Men. At that event we tell them how it works at The Rabbit Hole, discuss some tips and strategies for successful swinging and get to know them a bit. We also hold space for them to ask questions, share their experiences, and also learn from each other, if they wish.
As an aside by the way, we absolutely love it when non-single men come along to this event as well, to share their side of the story, and maybe also learn something themselves. Truth be told, if we do get a complaint, it is usually about the behaviour of partnered men at our events, not the single men! Guys, let’s change the culture of competition and ‘scoring’, and help each other understand the culture of consent. Let’s talk about what you want, what women want, and how we can all have lots of awesome sex! Trust us, there’s lots of horny women at The Rabbit Hole who love lots of sex, BUT they are not going to want it with you if they don’t feel safe.
Unfortunately, some men do not make the cut onto our Yes List.
So what are we looking for?
Number One. As said before, first and foremost: Safety. They could have the face and body of Chris Hemsworth, a tongue that can draw like Picasso, and a cock that could melt stone, but if they come across as disrespectful and creepy, pushy and annoying (i.e. don't understand the concept of *active and enthusiastic consent); they won’t get a shoo-in. Not with us, not with our guests.
Number Two. Attractiveness. Swinger Time is 3 times faster than regular time, so first impressions really count. They need to dress well, speak well, smell nice, be well-groomed. They may not have the face and body of a Greek God, but should at least have good people skills and be able to have an engaging 2-way conversation.
Number Three. Attitude. If they come across as an arrogant and self-absorbed know-it-all, we won’t like them. And if we don’t like them, we won’t invite them. We find confidence and a relaxed friendly attitude attractive. Those who are able to read body language and respond appropriately, do well. If they prioritise connecting with people genuinely and having fun, they will have a good night regardless of whether they have sex or not. These guys know the value of patience, they know trust takes time.
If they don’t meet the above criteria and if we feel they have no potential to in the foreseeable future, they will not be invited to an event at The Rabbit Hole. We are happy for them to continue coming to Info Night for Men however, as we understand people can and do change, and may then become a better fit for us and our guests.
And even if they do meet the criteria, unfortunately available spots for single men are pretty limited (except for Raining Men). Typically we may only have room for 25 - 50% of single men who register, depending on the numbers of single women and couples booked in. You can see how quickly the odds stack up against the single guy. Even some of our regular single guys don't get an invitation to every party they register for, as we still have to provide some level of fairness. We monitor these numbers very closely; we have to account for when sometimes only the woman of the couple may be playing and her partner isn’t, and sometimes the single girls don't show up. Those two things can quickly skew the apparent numbers of single guys.
Our Single Men are awesome
So you can see how difficult it is for the single guy. The last thing anyone wants is to be banned. So consequently the men we invite to The Rabbit Hole are fabulous respectful men who are exemplary: they don’t whinge if they don’t get an invite, they cancel when they can’t make it, they make an effort when they attend, they don’t drink too much, and if and when they get to play, they treat their play partners (and their partners) well, in and out of bed, before and after. You might now not be surprised then, to know that on the rare occasion we get a complaint, they are usually not about the single guys, but against men who come with a partner, and some are against women themselves; neither of whom have had to jump through any hoops to get an invitation. Put simply, because we only choose single men who know how to behave to come to The Rabbit Hole, everybody else who isn’t subject to this vetting process tend to be the ones we have to deal with when complaints arise.
Let’s talk about complaints then. We listen to all complaints, take all of them seriously, and we follow them all up. To be honest, we’ve only had less than a handful - hardly any given we’ve had probably close to 2000 people through our doors since we’ve opened. Sometimes, the issues have arisen more from a misunderstanding, rather than bad behaviour. Sometimes, the complaint has stemmed from the offender being unaware that their behaviour has made some people uncomfortable at best (violated consent at worst), and once we’ve had the conversation, we have no further issues. In this scenario, it’s not uncommon that this behaviour has been exacerbated by too much alcohol, rendering the offender unable to properly read social cues. Where it's warranted, we give the offender their first and last warning. They sharpen up pretty quickly or they stop coming. We are fine with either outcome, as our priority is to provide a safe environment for our guests, so we can all get down to the business of having fun! There have only been two people banned from The Rabbit Hole, and only one of those stemmed from a complaint.
So in summary, if the single guy is genuinely friendly and sociable, respectful and well presented; they are a very welcome guest at The Rabbit Hole and they often have a great time!
Actually obviously, this goes for everyone, not just for the single guys!
We hope this blog helps clear up some questions.
Happy swinging from The Rabbit Hole! Xxx
* Article on Active Consent.