Stealthing, Sexual Assault, and How to Condom at Swinger Parties!
If you’ve been following us on Facebook, you’ll know we recently posted about a scumbag who was caught stealthing at The Rabbit Hole.
Stealthing is Sexual Assault. No ifs no buts.
It is the non-consensual removal of a condom during otherwise consensual sexual contact, or a deliberate failure to use a condom, without the awareness of one’s sexual partner, despite an agreement to use a condom being made.
If you get caught stealthing, you will be banned from The Rabbit Hole for life. And you can be sure we will let other event holders in Adelaide know about you.
What to do if you are the victim of sexual assault?
At The Rabbit Hole, tell us straightaway. We will believe you, and we will support you.
General advice for sexual assault: You can report it to the police. Evidence is best collected within 72 hours of the incident, but you can always report sexual assault that happened to you previously, even if it was a long time ago. In Adelaide, Yarrow Place Rape and Sexual Assault Service is at 55 King William Rd, North Adelaide; and they have an Emergency After Hours Service 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Try to remember not to shower or wash before attending, in order to maximise evidence collection. They are lovely, compassionate, non-judgemental people there, so don’t be nervous about that. If you don’t want to attend Yarrow Place, go to your doctor for a check up including screening for STIs and pregnancy.
Remember, if you go to have evidence collected, it doesn’t mean you have to report the incident to the police; and if you do report it, it doesn’t mean you have to press charges. But if you do choose to press charges down the track, at least the evidence has been collected, and the report has been made. I encourage you also, to tell a friend, go with a friend. Reach out for support. There is no shame to being sexually assaulted, the fault is always, always, ALWAYS of the perpetrator. Never the victim. Remember that.
In saying that, whose responsibility is it, to practice safer sex?
Ultimately, we are all responsible for the decisions we make around our own health and safety. Get educated, so that you understand how it all works. ShineSA https://www.shinesa.org.au has great resources in easy-to-read formats all available online.
At parties, don’t assume your play partner knows how to everything or anything. When he’s rolling the condom on, check that he’s checking which way the condom rolls. That he pinches the tip to expel air. That he makes sure you are both lubed/wet enough.
If I can’t directly see the condom on his penis, I’ll always put my hand on his cock to make sure it’s on (e.g. in doggy position). And if he pulls out entirely halfway through, check again before reinsertion. All this doesn’t have to interrupt the sexiness of the session; with practice, it can all integrate seamlessly. Learn how to roll a condom onto an erect cock with your hands, and/or with your mouth. Make it fun! (Ask me how if you like; I’ll teach you!)
Also, don’t forget to change condoms between anus and vagina, change condoms between different partners, and put condoms on penetrative toys as well. We have plenty of condoms everywhere, use them! Last but not least, make sure you or he is holding on to the condom when he pulls out (with or without ejaculation), to ensure the condom doesn’t come off inside you. And then dispose of it in the bin (you’d be surprised how many people miss this step!)
Play safe guys.